


It's Not a Joke...

by anonymousEDward



Series: Something Real [1]
Category: OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Body Worship, Face-Fucking, Fingering, M/M, Mr. Logic is a good friend, Non-Human Genitalia, Oral Sex, fluffier than it sounds, tiddyfucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 12:48:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21299714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousEDward/pseuds/anonymousEDward
Summary: Laserblast has a very regrettable crush and Lord Boxman has a crisis of conscience.
Relationships: Laserblast/Lord Boxman, Lord Boxman/Professor Venomous
Series: Something Real [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595662
Comments: 28
Kudos: 129





	It's Not a Joke...

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by @Batneko's laserbox ficlets on Tumblr, especially [this one](https://batneko.tumblr.com/post/188122924342/intervention)
> 
> I did have more kinks planned, but this got waaay too long, so... sorry!

Laserblast kept his expression solemn, despite having tuned out Foxtail several minutes ago. He'd gotten the gist of things thirty seconds in – cut the chatter with Lord Boxman. It was hypocritical of her, in his humble opinion – anyone with eyes could see the lines she and Temptress threw at each other like bombs went _way_ beyond mere banter. And did she have to bring the recent loss of his power into it?

That was just _cruel._

"Bullying Box Lad doesn't make you powerful," she said, using her height to tower over him. "It just makes you a jerk."

_First off, his name is Lord Boxman. It used to be Lad Boxman, but it sure as heck has never been something as inane as Box Lad, so jot that down._

_Second, so what if I get a little flirty? He hates me, it'd never happen. _

_And third, fuck you for making me admit that to myself._

Of course, Laserblast knew better than to actually _say_ any of that…

"You're right, Foxtail," he said. He hung his head – all the better to hide his expression, with the added benefit of making him look penitent. "I guess I got so excited about being back in the field after losing my powers that I…" he trailed off artfully, then heaved a sigh. "…overcompensated."

Without his helmet, he couldn't sneak a peek to see if she bought it, but-

"Aw, Laser! You know we wouldn't keep you outta the field for long!" Foxtail said, smacking him on the shoulder with bone-rattling force. "Just try not to let it get to you!"

Figures. At least when all else failed, he could fall back on his acting skills and her own assumptions.

"I guess I'd better get back to the lab." He flashed his hero-smile.

"You and yer science! Heh." She winked. "Get outta here, then!"

He waited until he was long out of sight, tucked safely away in his basement lab to let the smile drop from his face.

How had everything gone to shit? First his powers, now this?

Laserblast had a crush. A terrible, horrible crush on a terrible, horrible person.

Lord Boxman didn't pick fights often, but when he did, they were memorable. Like that time he sent them all "thank you" cakes – delivered direct to POINT's door! – only for the robotic junkfish inside them to leap out and bite poor El-Bow. He'd had to wear bandages on his nose for a week. It was hilarious, but he knew better than to laugh.

Or the time when Boxman had tried to steal the entire city's power. He'd even admitted he didn't really need it, just wanted to see if he _could._

Or the time he'd put paint in POINT's sprinkler system.

Or the time when he broke into HQ and only stole Greyman's mini-fridge.

He was just so… unpredictable. Whatever crazy scheme he came up with, he was always so _passionate_ about it, gleeful even! He was so… so _wild._

It made Laserblast feel excited- emotionally invested in their battles the way he so rarely was anymore. After losing his powers, the world had gotten darker. He was sidelined, stuck with nothing to do but think about that loss. His relationship with Sparks had fallen apart – not that it had been all that great to begin with, really – and he honestly hadn't even felt more than a brief disappointment when it ended. They'd always been better friends than lovers. 

He supposed he should have seen it coming then when the world seemed to fill with color whenever Boxman appeared. He should have caught on when his heart raced at the sight of green hair. He should have noticed when the vague figures he imagined in the shower late at night started looking a little more round, a little more avian.

The flirting had been an accident. He couldn't turn it off! He'd tried, Cob knows. Lord Boxman was just a mouthful, really. Of course he'd shortened it a little bit. Boxman, at first. Then Box. Now Boxy, more often than not. And his comments _could_ on occasion be misinterpreted as suggestive. "Nice move," for instance – obviously meant to be sarcastic, like when Boxy dive-bombed him with that flying desk of his and missed. Except it came out just a bit… off. A little too admiring.

Boxman hadn't really noticed at first, so it hadn't been a problem – or so he'd thought. Sparks had figured it out before Laserblast himself had. Over the course of a couple months, she'd gone from offended to sympathetic to downright pitying.

"You can't help who you like," she'd said as he stress-ate his way through an entire pack of hard candy. "You just gotta… work around it, I guess."

Rippy Roo had gently suggested maybe he lay off with the banter for a while. El-Bow just sent him increasingly worried looks.

And now even Foxtail had noticed.

Next his Cob damn lab rat would be making comments about it…

Laserblast looked between the giant robots setting the city ablaze and Lord Boxman, who was holding some sort of ray gun.

"W-which one are we supposed to deal with first?" El-Bow asked.

"I think we both know who the bigger problem is," Sparks said. She cracked her knuckles, already sizing up Dr. Weakpoint's robots.

"I don't like what you're implying there... what was it? Silversparks?" Boxman said tartly. The feathers on his bird arm fluffed up, then smoothed as he visibly calmed himself.

"It's Silverspark! And unlike _them_, you haven't set half the city on fire!"

Laserblast swore he could see the light go on over Boxman's head. His eyes darkened, his lips spread into a truly menacing smile. Really, Laserblast should have said something - distract him, draw his team's attention back to him, something - but instead he remained silent and watched, indulging his own curiosity.

Boxman raised the ray gun into the air, pulled the trigger... and nothing happened. Laserblast honestly felt a little disappointed.

And then POINT's tank exploded. Then the warehouse on the street corner exploded. Then the harbor front that was still under construction exploded. Heck, at least half a dozen bombs went off.

"That ain't no ordinary ray gun!" Foxtail shouted, "That's a detonator!"

Almost before she finished speaking, a street lamp fell over and very nearly crushed her and Rippy Roo, having been cut down by one of the robot's laser vision.

He was pretty sure that laser vision, by the way, was a jab at him, personally. Dr. Weakpoint was a real jerk like that.

Time to take charge.

"Foxtail! You and the others take down Dr. Weakpoint - leave Boxman to me!"

He graciously ignored Sparks's snort, satisfied that his team was leaving and taking him at his word.

"Who? Little old me?" Boxman cooed. "I thought I wasn't worth your- GAH!"

Could Laserblast have shot the remote out of his hands? Probably. If anyone asked, he'd say he was worried about accidentally detonating more bombs – who knew how many Boxman had around the city? But Cob, holding Boxman down, pinning his hands above his head? It would take a better man than Laserblast to pass that opportunity up.

Lord Boxman stared up at him, wide-eyed – maybe even a little afraid.

"Nice try, Boxy," he said. "Now _give it to me._"

"What… what is _with_ you?!"

Laserblast yelped as Boxman shoved him away with surprisingly strong arms.

"What do you mean?" he said defensively.

"You!" Boxman said, pointing an accusing talon at him. "Every time you talk to me, you make it _weird!_"

"Wha- I don't know what you're talking about," Laserblast lied. He crossed his arms and immediately regretted it – too defensive. "Have you considered that you're maybe a little _sensitive_, Boxy?"

"There! You just did it again!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I talk like this to all my villains."

"You do not! I've _watched_ you with other villains and you never-"

"You _spied_ on me?" Laserblast said. "What are you _into _that?"

"Laser!" Foxtail barked even as she dodged a blow from one of the robots. "Cut the chatter and take him out!"

"On it, Foxtail!"

"Oh no you don't!" Boxman snapped, leaping back. He was pretty spry for a guy that round. Laserblast wondered how that would translate in bed.

"I-I-I'm here to help!" El-Bow said. He was shaking as he assumed his fighting stance.

"Leave, El-Bow, I've got this!"

"C-Carol said-" he swallowed and tugged at his bow tie. "Carol said to help you. P-p-provide moral support."

Laserblast wasn't sure whether to be grateful or annoyed. Probably annoyed.

"Give me the gun, Boxman!" It felt wrong, using his typical hero-voice on the shorter man, but with El-Bow right there...

"Hmmm… maybe I will," Boxman said, tapping the gun to his snaggletooth. "If you apologize for making fun of me! Or… were you serious? How about a kiss, then?" He fluttered his eyelashes cartoonishly and wore a triumphant little grin that made Laserblast's mouth water.

Laserblast waited for him to look at El-Bow before making his move, knocking Boxman's hand aside and twisting the gun from his grip.

"Good distraction, El-Bow!" Laserblast shouted over Boxman's cursing. He tossed the gun to his team mate. "I'll take it from here!"

"O-oh. Well that was. P-pretty easy." As soon as El-Bow started walking away, Laserblast dragged Boxman by the arm into the nearest alley.

"N-now hold on, Laserblast!" Boxman said, holding up his hands as if to ward off blows. "I- I know you weren't really flirting! Why don't we both just calm down-"

Laserblast spat out his sucker.

"-no need to do anything _violent_-"

He lifted Boxman by the lapels of his coat, pinning him against the wall of the alley.

"Oh Cob, I'm too young to die!"

-and kissed him.

It wasn't the best kiss. He'd bumped the shorter man's nose with his own for a start, and Boxman's lips were pressed tightly together. He held himself completely rigid for a moment before squirming in his grip.

Laserblast flattened his body against Boxman's own, keeping him at the right height. Boxman's flailing arms were a distraction, so he grabbed them both, holding them over Boxman's head with one hand.

He pulled back for a breath, then dove back in, prodding at the seam of Boxman's mouth for entrance. He could feel Boxman's thighs tense around his waist.

_He asked for it_, Laserblast reminded himself, prying open Boxman's mouth with his thumb. He thrust his tongue inside. _He asked for this._

He could feel Boxman's drool on his hand, but didn't dare move his fingers, fairly certain Boxman would bite down if he did. He could feel those sharp teeth, that big, wide tongue.

Then Boxman moved. Just a bit, just a hair – tilting his head into the kiss. Slowly, almost clumsily, his tongue rubbed against Laserblast's own. He let out a pleased hum and relished in the way Boxman's hips twitched forward just the tiniest amount.

He could feel drool on his wrist and, after a brief moment of debate, let go. Boxman didn't bite down. Laserblast licked his way back into that generous mouth, curling his tongue against Boxman's own.

He let his free hand drift down to that round, soft stomach, even as he coaxed Boxman's tongue into his mouth to suck on it.

"Mmh…" It was soft, barely a sound, but Laserblast heard it, felt it against his lips. He curled his tongue against Boxman's own, following it back to his mouth. Laserblast let his hand trail down, then back up, rucking up Boxman's shirt to get at the heated flesh beneath.

"Ahh…" Boxman arched into his hand as if seeking more contact before he caught himself and flinched away. Not that Laserblast allowed that for long. He was so Cob damn glad he wore fingerless gloves, squeezing that soft stomach before teasing at the waist of Boxman's slacks.

Boxman moaned against his lips, then whimpered when Laserblast rolled his hips up, grinding his hardness against that broad, soft backside.

"Lase-" Laserblast shut him up by sealing Boxman's lips with his own, shoving his tongue into his mouth-

KABLOOM!

"LASERBLAST! WHERE IN THE COB DANG HELL ARE YOU?"

Laserblast groaned, pulling away reluctantly. Boxman slid down the wall, collapsing on his ass. His eyes were wide, his face still flushed. Laserblast's cock throbbed at the sight.

"We'll have to do this again some time, Boxy," he said. His voice came out low and rough. "Duty calls." With that, he took off running, ignoring the discomfort in his crotch.

At least he had this memory.

Lord Boxman had been having a very, very bad day. Several of them, actually. It wasn't anything concrete – the factory was running fine, the hive minds for his bots was forming nicely, and Mr. Logic predicted that he would be reaching level -8 any day now.

Really, he should be quite happy.

Except…

Four days ago, he had taunted a hero – _the_ hero, Laserblast himself. And it had backfired spectacularly. When Laserblast dragged him into that alley, he'd been absolutely certain he was about to get beat to all heck – maybe killed! Why else would he hide him away from the other heroes, right?

Except… that wasn't what happened. Maybe it would have been better if it had. Because now he had all these _thoughts_. Thoughts that he'd been so quick to brush off for weeks – months even – but now had metaphorical teeth that gnawed at him.

It just didn't make any Cob damn sense!

Why the hell had Laserblast kissed him? Did that even count as just a kiss? Cob, Laserblast just… pinned him against the wall and his way with him. Lifted him like he weighed nothing! Shoved his fingers in his mouth and _his tongue!_ He was… really good with his tongue. Very, er, dexterous.

Just thinking about it made him feel hot, made him stumble over his words and lose his train of thought like a buffoon.

He just didn't understand!

Boxman couldn't think of why Laserblast – probably the hottest, most attractive hero of POINT – would kiss him. Heroes weren't known for schemes or infiltration – and surely he knew Boxman would see through any such ruse!

He'd considered some sort of head trauma, but Laserblast had hardly been in any battles recently. He'd just got back from some sort of vacation. Sunshine City, if the newspaper was to be believed.

"That's it!" he said, leaping out of bed. Sunshine City meant warm beaches, warm beaches meant humidity, humidity meant fungi and bacteria and parasites and all sorts of nastiness that could make a man go crazy!

The question was, what would he do about it?

He could… let it continue. Let Laserblast keep thinking he _liked_ Boxman. Pump him for information, maybe even have sex!

But even as he thought it, he knew he wouldn't. He was a villain, not some sort of monster. He'd just have to find some way to figure out what was wrong with Laserblast and fix it. Then, because he was a villain, lord it over Laserblast's head for the rest of _ever_.

"Mr. Logic!" Lord Boxman cried, hammering on his friend's door across the hall.

Mr. Logic opened the door. "Yes, Lord Boxman?"

"Come with me! We have work to do!"

Okay... POINT had definitely tightened up security since Boxman's last visit. Luckily the localized wormhole into the mailroom trick still worked. Now to just sneak into Laserblast's room, scan him with his new Interference Detector (TM) and figure out what was wrong with him.

Assuming he could get through all of POINT, actually _find_ Laserblast's room, and scan him without waking him.

Oh Cob, this was going to go so very, very poorly...

With the In Case Of Fire map and a hefty dose of luck, Boxman managed to locate the room in question.

He took a moment to oil the hinges on the door using his handy dandy wire trick, and slowly, carefully slid it open.

No alarm sounded, no shouting... The man who must be Laserblast was facing away from him, sleeping on his side. Boxman felt oddly relieved. He didn't actually want to sneak a peek at the hero's face. It seemed vulgar, really. Went against his villainous honor.

He set the Interference Detector down and crept closer to the sleeping hero. _Steady, Boxy... BoxMAN, damn it! Stupid Laserblast and his stupid nicknames..._

He plucked a dark hair from the hero's head, holding his breath. Laserblast mumbled, stirred slightly... then stilled.

Boxman nearly swooned from sheer relief.

He fed the hair into the scanner.

0%...

1%...

1.1%...

"Well now, Boxy," a voice purred in his ear, "this is a surprise."

Boxman sucked in a breath as he was picked up and thrown, landing on the bed with a wheeze.

"Sneaking into my room?" Laserblast said, straddling his hips and pinning his arms to his side with his knees. "You must be desperate..."

He could see Laserblast's handsome face in the moonlight from the open window, see those trim muscles, the bare thighs...

_Oh Cob, he sleeps in just his underwear, I am not equipped for this._

"I... It's not what it looks like?" Boxman tried.

"Mm, _sure_ it isn't, Boxy..." Laserblast licked his lips and began unbuttoning Boxman's shirt.

"Really!" Boxman squeaked. "I'm- I'm trying to help! You have to- ohhh!"

Laserblast squeezed his pecs again, kneading the soft flesh. Boxman squirmed.

"Wow... you've got more muscle than I imagined... I'm impressed..."

"Aah- I-!" Boxman bit down on his lip to muffle the sounds escaping him.

Laserblast smirked and sucked a nipple into his mouth, flicking the other with his thumb. His mouth was so hot! Boxman could feel his cock harden in his sheath, feel lubricant start to leak from his slit.

"Ngh, Laserblast!"

The hero hummed around the nipple in his mouth. He sucked sharply, scraping the tender flesh with his teeth until Boxman keened.

"Quiet, Boxy." Laserblast released his nipple with a pop and smirked. "Wouldn't want one of my teammates to come in here and find you." His eyes were heavy-lidded and dark. He reminded Boxman of a snake with some woodland creature trapped in his coils. It sent another wave of arousal through him.

_Focus on the mission, Boxy_, he thought, once again slipping into Laserblast's pet name for him.

His nipple felt cold and over-sensitive now that Laserblast had finally relinquished it to press open-mouthed kisses in towards his sternum, then down over his stomach, scooting down so his hands could start fumbling with his fly-

"Wait!" Boxman blurted, wincing at his own volume. "I'm- I'm not ready for that!"

_Really? That was the best you could come up with?_ Boxman could feel his face get hotter and hotter as Laserblast stared at him.

Then, miraculously, his expression softened. Just a bit.

"Yeah, okay," Laserblast said, pressing another kiss to his stomach and dipping his tongue into Boxman's navel. "We can do _other things._" He went up on his knees, leering down at Boxman as he eased his dark boxers down his hips.

_Hhhh… big… _His cock throbbed in his sheath, pressing against its slit-like entrance hard, nearly to the point of pain.

"Wha-" his voice cracked embarrassingly, "-what did you have in mind?"

_Cob damn it, what are you thinking?! Laserblast is compromised! You're a villain, not a monster!_

Laserblast stroked his cock slowly, once from base to tip. A bead of pre-cum bubbled up and Boxman's mouth watered.

"You seemed to like what we were doing before," Laserblast purred. He reached down and squeezed Boxman's pecs again, his smirk broadening when his breath hitched.

Laserblast's meaning didn't quite click until that long cock was resting against his chest, until the hero was squeezing his (admittedly soft, round) pecs together, sliding his length between them.

"Hold these for me, will you, Boxy?"

It wasn't until that moment that he realized his hands were free – and had in fact been free for quite some time.

He was flustered beyond belief, but… well, he needed to let the Interference Detector finish processing before he moved it, so…

With slightly shaky hands, he squeezed his chest together.

"Fuck yes… that's good," Laserblast purred as he gave a long, slow thrust. Boxman could feel his balls on his stomach, those powerful thighs wrapped around him, the red head of his cock peeking out from between his pecs with every roll of Laserblast's hips.

"Look at you… so good for me…"

Boxman bristled and the insinuation (he was _not_ good, thank you very much! he was evil and _proud!_) but then Laserblast planted his hands on either side of his head, looming over him with that dark, hungry expression on his face as he thrust faster and faster.

"So gorgeous, Boxy… open up for me."

"Why-?"

As soon as he opened his mouth to ask, Laserblast came, fucking his chest in small thrusts to draw it out. Boxman could feel his come, hot on his face… his cheeks, his mouth…

And then the Interference Detector started beeping.

100%.

_I forgot about the mission!_

In a panic, he shoved Laserblast back, stumbling to his feet and grabbing the detector – he'd need to get it back to his workshop to translate the findings into readable data.

"Boxy?" Laserblast looked confused, even a little hurt.

Boxman licked his lips, wincing at the bitter taste of come. "I'm going to help you," he promised. "Gotta go!"

And then he activated the wormhole keyed to his location, and he was gone.

He reappeared at his workbench, safely back in his lab, and the first thing he did was plug in the Interference Detector.

The second thing he did was take his pants off. He slammed the lock on the door and flung himself onto his dirty couch, bare legs spread wide. His face was still wet with come and would probably dry soon but Cob, his cock hurt. He pried open his slit and rubbed at the head of his cock, tucked safely inside his sheath.

"Come on... fuck!" His hips bucked as his cockhead slid free. "Oh Cob!" He cupped his slowly emerging cock, rubbing the mushroom shaped head with the heel of his palm as his fingers dipped into his sheath to coax the rest free.

"Finally! Oh-!" He wrapped his chicken hand around his cock as soon as enough slid free for him to grip, already stroking himself off even as the fingers of his flesh hand dipped into his sheath to coax more out.

He sobbed, thrusting up into his fist. He couldn't stop, he was already so Cob-damn close!

"Ha… Oh!" He felt hot all over, he could feel it building. He tugged his fingers free from his sheath and pinched his nipple. "Oh Cob, Laserblast! Laser-!"

He came with a shout.

As he slowly came back to himself, the computer flashing the words 'No influences found!', his own come drying on his fist even as Laserblast's still dried on his face, it occurred to him that he may be in a lot of trouble indeed.

Laserblast wasn't sure what to think anymore. Ever since that night, he'd waited for the hammer to fall. Boxman had broken in, used some sort of device in his bedroom, and he couldn't even tell anyone – not without explaining why he didn't sound the alarm in the first place.

But no attacks came. No new breaches in POINT's security. No blackmail. No questionable videos sent to his teammates.

Nothing.

Sure, there were the usual attacks. Dr. Weakpoint, as always. Sometimes the Cactus Crew, though Sparks could take them down just fine alone. A few small time villains hoping to make a name for themselves, same old, same old.

No Lord Boxman though.

Not for a full three weeks. As soon as he got the call, he was sure Boxman was finally making his move. Brilliantly colored fireworks were raining shrapnel down on the city, each one bearing the Boxmore logo.

"This is even worse than I thought," Foxtail said grimly. "I'm glad Greyman is staying back at HQ." She turned to Laserblast, her lips pressed in a thin line.

"El-Bow, Silverspark, Laserblast… spread out. Make sure this thing don't spread. Rippy Roo!"

"Buh-buh?"

"You're with me. Let's get to the center of this mess and take out Lord Boxman!"

"Uh, Foxtail? Hang on a sec." He beckoned her near the mouth of an alley.

"Now, Laser, I know you're upset-"

"Upset? Upset?! Rippy Roo is still a junior member for the next six months! Why are you sidelining me again?"

"Because you don't have your powers anymore, Laser! That helmet of yours has a limited number of charges without your power drain abilities!" she hissed. "I don't mean to be tough on you, but-"

"Foxtail, come on! I can _do_ this!"

"And risk you running out of juice in the middle of a warzone? Heck no!" Foxtail said. She had that steely look in her eyes that told Laserblast he'd have better luck talking to a Cob damn brick wall.

"Silverspark, you take north. El-Bow, circle 'round south. Laser-" she hesitated, then sighed. "Just… back them up, alright? Go where you're needed." She wound up her tails, leaping into the air and catching Rippy Roo like a megafootball. "And conserve your ammo!"

Fury burned through him as his team split up, leaving him alone and essentially useless.

"Cob damn it!" he hissed. He kicked a crumpled can at his feet.

"Finally!" a familiar voice said. Laserblast yelped as he was yanked into the alley by the back of his suit.

"Lord Boxman?" He took a vicious sort of satisfaction at Boxman's little flinch at the lack of nickname.

"Um. Yes." The shorter man tapped his fingers and claws together nervously. "I. Well."

It occurred to Laserblast that he could beat the shit out of the villain and be totally justified, since he _was_ behind the attack… but… he looked so _cute!_

"I know you're probably a little, er, confused about, ahem, the other night but I-" Boxman sighed. "Oh screw it. Here." He shoved some sort of readout at Laserblast, then stepped back, arms raised.

Fungal influence: 0

Viral influence: 0

Mind control: 0

The list went on and on, until the very bottom of the page, where it read: "Influence Detected: None".

"Boxy, what _is_ this?" The nickname slipped out without him realizing it, but he was more confused than he was angry at the moment.

"Just a little… diagnostic tool I made. I'm not sure if it just doesn't work or-"

"Wait, wait- back up!" Laserblast held out a hand to quiet him. "Start from the beginning. Why would you think I need some sort of… diagnostic?"

"I couldn't figure it out," Boxman said finally. He sagged, looking defeated. "Why you- I couldn't figure out your angle, so I thought - well, there had to be some reason you're..." he trailed off, gesturing vaguely between them. "So I snuck in to do a little diagnostic, but I couldn't find anything that would explain it!"

He looked genuinely upset and it made something in Laserblast's chest ache.

"So this entire time," he said, "You've been under the impression that I'm... what, being mind-controlled?"

"Something like that..." Boxman muttered.

"Did it honestly never occur to you that I just like you?"

Boxman stared at him blankly.

"So when you broke into my room, when we-" Laserblast swallowed. "Why?"

"I had to let it finish processing, duh." Boxman rolled his eyes, and Laserblast began to feel ill.

"So... did you even-" _Oh Cob._ "Did you ever actually _want-_"

"Well, I didn't _not_ want it," he said, flustered. "I, uh, did try to keep you from doing anything you'd kill me over once you'd snapped out of it, heh..."

_Oh thank Cob..._

"And the attack today?" Laserblast felt a smile start to form on his lips.

"I... well, you deserved to know..."

"So, Boxy..." he let his voice drop to a seductive purr, "you did all this... for me? However can I repay you?"

He took one step forward and Boxman stumbled back, already flushing a dark red. The villain backed into a wooden crate and his mismatched eyes widened.

Actually, that crate could come in handy...

Boxman yelped when Laserblast first picked him up, but when he set him on the crate, he seemed to get the picture.

Boxman's talons dug into the wall. Laserblast waited patiently.

"Oh you- you were serious, um..." Boxman gulped, tugging at the collar of his shirt. "M-maybe... kiss?"

That seemed a bit like a step back, but... well, Laserblast could work with that. He activated the safety lock on his helmet, pulling it off with relief.

Boxman stared at him unabashedly, much the same way he'd watched Laserblast that night.

Laserblast decided he quite liked that.

He tilted Boxman's head up, sidled up close, and kissed him.

Unlike last time, Boxman opened up for him easily, welcoming his tongue and stroking it with his own. He seemed much more confident this time, nipping at Laserblast's lips with those sharp teeth of his before soothing the area with his tongue.

Laserblast lured that thick tongue into his mouth with his own and sucked.

Boxman groaned, arching into him. Laserblast leaned forward, guiding those wide hips forward and encouraging Boxman to thrust against his hip.

When they parted for air, Boxman grinned, baring those sharp teeth that Laserblast spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about.

"I never-" Boxman gulped in air. "I never said I meant on the mouth."

_Now that's more like it!_ Laserblast smirked back. "Getting greedy now, huh? I like that."

The alley didn't exactly feel great against his knees, but it was definitely worth it, putting his mouth level with Boxman's crotch.

"May I?" He smiled up at Boxman - a real smile, not the press-ready smile he'd honed for public statements and heroic rescues.

"I-" Boxman was blushing furiously. "I was actually going for a 'kiss my ass' type of zinger, but... really?"

_Oh my Cob, does he still think this is some sort of prank?_

"Yes, Boxy."

"Just- um. Well. I. Okay." After a couple of false starts, Boxman steeled himself, unfastening his pants and shoving them down his hips so fast, Laserblast would have thought they were on fire.

He looked down and abruptly realized why Boxman may have been a little hesitant to take things further.

Laserblast had dated a transwoman in college, and he still remembered all the shit people gave her just for existing. He'd busted a few heads over it, not that she couldn't have handled it herself… But Boxman didn't know about all that. And he had no way of knowing Laserblast had no problems with dating a transman, either.

Well, aside from the whole villain/hero thing…

Fuck it. Actions speak louder than words, right?

He guided Boxman's legs further apart, rubbing his finger's over Boxman's opening. Kind of weird that he couldn't find his clit under all those tiny feathers he had in place of pubic hair, but he sure as heck wasn't going to say anything and risk putting Boxman off. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the opening, flicking his tongue against it.

"Ah!" Boxman's hips bucked before he caught himself. Laserblast grinned.

"Sensitive?" he asked, mouth still flush against him, purely to make Boxman squirm.

He wasn't disappointed.

"Ng. Sh- shut up! Don’t you have something else you could be doing?"

Cob, it was so tempting to tease him… pull back, make Boxman ask for it… Of course, with that damn pride of his, Boxman might just let him go. He didn't dare risk that.

He buried his face in those soft feathers and licked again, curling his tongue just enough to provide a little bit of pressure, coax him open. Boxman clutched at his shoulders, bent over like Laserblast had punched him in the stomach. His breathing was growing more erratic with every lick.

Laserblast grinned, then sealed his lips and _sucked_. Boxman squealed, his hands clawing at Laserblast's hair. And, while he wasn't expecting quite that reaction, it sure as hell was a nice boost to his ego. He thrust his tongue deep inside only to encounter something. He traced it with the tip of his tongue as Boxman ground his hips into his face.

It actually seemed to be coming out of Boxman, the more he kissed and licked. He pulled back, ignoring Boxman's noise of disappointment, spreading the villain open with both thumbs. There was definitely a cockhead in there, starting to emerge.

"Oh… it's internal! A cloaca?"

"Don't _talk_ about it!" Boxman squawked.

_Well, if you insist…_

Laserblast slid a finger inside Boxman's slit alongside the villain's cock and smirked as Boxman cried out. He could feel some sort of natural lubricant being produced by Boxman's internal walls. He could feel the shaft of his cock as well, almost throbbing in response to his touch. He lapped at the head from the outside and stroked the shaft as best he could from the inside as it slowly slid out.

Finally, enough emerged for him to wrap his lips around and really suck, carefully bobbing his head around Boxman's honestly surprising girth. Cob, he'd missed sucking cock. He felt so powerful, reducing his partners to a puddle of moans.

"Mh!" another inch or two slid out mid-suck. He tried to back off, but Boxman's hands kept him in place. He leaned forward instead, changing the angle so he could take that fat cock down his throat easier. He rubbed his own cock through his suit, moaning around the length in his mouth.

Boxman pulled away first, disappointingly. "Um. Eheh. Sorry." He tapped his index finger to his claw nervously. "Did I- did I hurt you?"

_Seriously?_

"Boxy…" _Patience,_ he reminded himself. "I'm not in pain. Now can we _please_ get back to it?"

"Are you-"

_Okay, screw it. Time to be blunt. _

"What the hell do I have to say to get you to fuck my mouth like you mean it, Cob damn it!"

_NOT THAT BLUNT. _

"Oh." Boxman said. He looked down at his mismatched hands, then grinned. He looked so evil in that moment, so menacing that Laserblast's cock twitched at the sight. Boxman reached out with his bird hand, grabbed his hair, and _pulled_, dragging Laserblast's mouth back towards his cock. He swirled his tongue around the head like he would with a lollipop before sinking down on it with a moan.

Apparently straightforward was the right approach. Boxman pulled him down onto his cock with every thrust of his hips, tugging at his hair hard enough to make his eyes water. With Boxman holding him more or less in place, he redistributed his weight from all fours to having one hand free so he could fumble open the flap to his suit and get his own cock out. He sank down to the hilt on that thick length even as he began stroking his own.

"Oh, I see now," Lord Boxman said after a particularly sharp thrust. "You _really_ like this, don't you?" Laserblast could feel Boxman's slick on his chin, his nose buried in downy soft feathers. He moaned helplessly, furiously fisting his cock. He felt Boxman's talons prickling against his scalp, the added danger only making him harder. The distant explosions faded to unimportance as he focused on swallowing around Boxman's thick cock, being fucked and _used_. His jaw was starting to ache – Boxman had a surprising amount of stamina – but he refused to come first, squeezing the base of his cock as he sucked and licked, lavishing attention on the head at every opportunity.

"Fuck!" Boxman hissed. "C-close…"

Laserblast rubbed at the slit of his cock with his tongue, then slid down to the hilt.

"Gonna- gonna-!" He felt Boxman's fingers tugging at his hair, pulling him off, but he refused to budge, instead tilting his head to try and take him as deep as humanly possible, and hummed. Boxman tugged at him frantically once more before giving in and coming with a choked off shout.

Laserblast swallowed it all down, kept going until Boxman went limp. He reared back on his calves, gasping for air, running his eyes over Boxman's spent body greedily as his fist flew over his cock.

Seconds later, he was coming himself, shooting his load all over his hand, his suit, the alley floor. He fucked his fist through the aftershocks, stroking himself to draw it out until at last he was spent.

"Wow…" Boxman said, after they'd both caught their breath. "That was-"

"LASERBLAST!"

"Aw, shit…" He scrambled to put on his helmet and sop up the worst of the mess with a dirty napkin, even as Boxman fiddled with some sort of device. Some sort of wormhole opened beneath him, and he vanished a split second before Sparks rounded the corner.

Sparks had covered for him, miraculously, though she seemed to be under the impression that he'd snuck into an alley to take a leak.

Was it embarrassing when, for the next three missions, she reminded him to go potty before they left? Hell yes. Was it worse than admitting he'd actually been getting it on with a villain – the same villain who had been causing _billions_ of technos in property damage at the very moment – while his team mates risked their lives? Fuck no!

Still, it didn't stop him from sneaking off to Boxmore a week later.

He wasn't expecting the robot, though.

"Ah. Greetings! You must be Laserblast. I am Mr. Logic."

"Mr. Logic," he said, skeptically. "Huh. Did Boxy make you?"

"Affirmative. I assist Lord Boxman with the day-to-day running of Boxmore Industries." Mr. Logic looked him up and down, a vague smile on his face. "Would you like to come inside?"

Dinner was torturous, in the best of ways – full of lingering glances and gentle teasing. The meal itself wasn't anything fancy. Honestly, Laserblast wasn't sure _what_ it was meant to be – some kind of mush? – but it tasted surprisingly good. He had no right to complain even if it hadn't, considering he'd dropped in unannounced. Mr. Logic had insisted on making a second helping for them himself, so the meal could stretch to cover Laserblast's appetite as well, while giving him and Boxman "some private time". He saw the robot over Boxman's shoulder flash the hero a thumbs up and encouraging smile.

Apparently Boxman's creation approved of their… whatever this was.

"That was delicious," Laserblast said, rubbing his now pleasantly full stomach.

"Mhmm," Boxman agreed.

Laserblast looked at Boxman.

Boxman looked back at him.

Mr. Logic cleared his throat. "I think I'm going to go check on the assembly line… on the _far end_ of the factory," he announced. "In fact, I think I will be there for several hours. Perhaps all night!"

Boxman's cheeks got redder and redder as he talked.

"_Thank_ you, Mr. Logic," he gritted out.

"Perhaps you can use this time to get… better acquainted." The robot winked meaningfully.

"I said THANK you, Mr. Logic…"

"With each other," Mr. Logic clarified, winking again.

"_Thank you, Mr. Logic,_" Boxman hissed. "You may _go_."

"I appreciate it, Logic," Laserblast said, unable to stop a crooked smile from spreading across his face.

Mr. Logic gave him double thumbs up.

"GET OUT!" snapped Boxman. Laserblast cracked up as soon as he left.

"Hee- He seems supportive?"

Boxman buried his face in his hands. "He's my friend… seems to think I need to spend more time around people… Seems to think you're-" he shuddered- "good for me."

Laserblast decided that he very much liked Mr. Logic.

"Well, it'd be a shame to disappoint him," Laserblast said, "casually" stretching, flexing his arms.

Boxman gulped. "Uh… shall we take this to the bedroom?"

He grinned. "That's the best idea I've heard all night."

Even before Laserblast finished shutting the bedroom door, Boxman was pulling him down for a kiss, biting his lower lip when Laserblast didn't move fast enough for his liking. The angle was awful, but he couldn't resist kissing Boxman back. He seemed so hesitant to take initiative, and Laserblast was a big believer in positive reinforcement.

"So what are my chances of finally getting to see you naked?" Laserblast teased when they finally parted for air.

"Better if you get naked first," Boxman said, tapping his finger and talon together.

Laserblast grinned, making a show of pulling off his tank top. Boxman licked his lips, attention rapt. He tossed the shirt aside, then set to work on his belt buckle.

"You're hard? _Already?_" Boxman looked both impressed and a little worried. Laserblast remembered how much coaxing it had taken to even get Boxman's cock out. At the time, he'd assumed it was nerves – and hell, maybe that _had_ been a factor – but maybe he just took a little extra time to get going.

"Yeah, Boxy," he kicked his shoes off along with his pants and boxers. "You have that effect on me."

"I- I do?" Boxman was still staring at his cock. "Er, I mean, of course I do! Right!"

Laserblast stepped closer, loving the way those mismatched eyes roved over him hungrily.

"Now, will you let me see you?" He tilted Boxman's chin up with a finger, offering a lopsided grin.

"O- Ok!" Boxman stripped hurriedly, nearly falling over twice. It was endearing.

And then the pants came down, revealing a little patch of feathers, longer than the downy ones at his crotch. The feathers twitched, almost like-

"Is that a _tail?_" Boxman froze in the act of taking his socks off.

"Um, well… yes?"

_SO CUTE!_

"Can I…" Laserblast made a squeezing motion.

"Can you what?"

"Can I touch it?"

Boxman stared at him. "I guess? Why-"

_OhmyCobSOFT!_ He stroked the green feathers gently. _Although…_

Laserblast couldn't resist the temptation of that round ass for long. Boxman squawked.

"I thought you wanted to touch my tail?" he said, rolling his eyes. Laserblast smiled.

"What can I say? I saw an opportunity and I took it."

"Positively villainous of you," Boxman purred, taking his hand and leading him to the surprisingly roomy bed, piled with blankets twisted around each other like a makeshift nest. Boxman hopped up onto the bed, patting the space next to him. He seemed more relaxed now – maybe he was finally convinced that yes, actually, Laserblast _did_ want him.

Cob, he hoped so. His doubts made Laserblast's chest hurt.

Laserblast ignored the offer, crawling instead between Boxman's legs, bracing his hands on either side of Boxman's head. He leaned down and kissed him, finally able to take his time without the worry of straining his neck.

Boxman hummed against his mouth, his talons clutching at Laserblast's shoulder. Laserblast could still taste the apple juice from dinner on his tongue and chuckled against his lips.

He reluctantly dragged himself away from that wide, tempting mouth.

"Sorry Boxy, but there are other parts of you I want to kiss, too," he purred.

"Oh?" Boxman grinned, "Care to demonstrate?" He spread his legs. His cock wasn't out yet, but Laserblast found that he was looking forward to the time to explore.

Laserblast kissed his neck, feeling the thrum of Boxman's heartbeat beneath his lips, his tongue darting out to taste the skin. He felt avian fingers comb through his hair. He nibbled the area, relishing the way Boxman tilted his head to allow him more room. He sucked the flesh into his mouth, worrying the skin with his own blunt teeth until it was sure to leave a bruise. Boxman let out a hiss – either annoyance or discomfort, Laserblast wasn't sure – and the hero pressed an apologetic kiss to the area.

He worked his way down Boxman's shoulder, kissing the surprisingly soft skin before burying his face in the feathers of his arm.

"Cob, I love your body." He rubbed his nose in the feathers once more, then pressed a kiss to the clawed hand. The skin felt calloused rather than scaly. A machinist's hand, avian or human.

"You… you have weird taste," Boxman said. It was a step up, compared to his previous doubts and skepticism.

"If you say so," Laserblast said before pressing a kiss to the human hand as well. Boxman scowled despite his blush, but didn't complain.

Of course, he had to stop and take a moment to appreciate Boxman's chest. Soft and warm, with only a few curly hairs that felt more like down than chest hair. Boxman murmured appreciatively when Laserblast toyed with his nipples, teasing them to hardness first with his fingers, then tongue. Then down to his soft stomach. Boxman, he'd long since decided, was perfectly made for cuddling. Round, soft, with a smattering of feathers. Laserblast had no problem admitting to himself that he found Boxman appealing sexually. It had taken much, much longer to own up to the softer thoughts – wanting to hold him and kiss him. Laserblast pressed kisses to his stomach, the occasional nip when Boxman squirmed.

"Will you get on with it already?" Boxman said. He sounded irritated, but his face was pink.

"Getting impatient, Boxy?"

"Yes, actually!"

Laserblast cackled at that. Really, now that he thought about it, this was the most he'd smiled – really smiled – in… Cob, he couldn't even remember how long. As the hero Laserblast, he wore a winning smile, carefully crafted after years of pointed comments like "maybe you should go with more of a _brooding_ look" or "you smile like a Cob-damn supervillain!" Here, with Boxman – an _actual_ villain – he could smile and laugh and tease without judgement.

He shuffled down further, nuzzling the soft green down, sucking a bruise into Boxman's hip.

"Are you planning to mark every inch of me?" Boxman rolled his eyes.

"Don't tempt me," Laserblast said. He wasn't sure what kind of expression he was making, but Boxman went beet red.

"Possessive," the villain mumbled, still blushing.

"Very."

Still, Laserblast wasn't completely without mercy. He guided Boxman's legs up onto his shoulders, then spread his slit with his thumbs. He could see the hole where Boxman's cock was hidden away and a second hole, further down that was probably his asshole – or whatever the Boxman equivalent was. He wondered if Boxy even _had_ a prostate. He fully intended to find out. But first…

He leaned in, pressing a kiss to the top hole, flicking his tongue inside. "This alright?" he murmured.

"That's… that's just my sheath. Uh, it feels good but it isn't… you know, necessary?" He shrugged. "It'll come out on its own eventually. Doesn't mean you can't fuck me in the meantime."

That… didn't add up. Or rather, it did, but Laserblast really didn't like what it was implying.

"Do you like that? Being on the receiving end?"

"I don't _dis_like it…" Boxman said carefully. "And since you're already hard, we wouldn't want to waste-"

"Okay, time out." Laserblast sat up, pointing to his cock. "Look, this happens pretty damn easily, where you're involved. Just because I'm ready to go doesn't mean I expect you to be, okay? If I get soft in the meantime – which I doubt – then I'll give the little guy a few strokes and be ready to go again. It's not like it's a hassle."

Boxman fidgeted, looking truly uncomfortable for the first time. "Really?"

Cob, what kind of assholes had he been sleeping with before?

"Yes, Boxy."

Boxman hesitated a moment longer before he came to a decision.

"I don't actually get anything out of being on bottom unless I'm already turned on," he blurted, eyes screwed shut, words nearly tripping over themselves in his hurry. "Sometimes it does feel good, but usually it's over before I get into it."

Laserblast waited until Boxman cracked open one eye to offer him a crooked grin. "Sounds like a challenge to me – but let's wait until you're up for it, alright?"

"Well what the hell else are we supposed to do in the meantime?" Boxman snapped. "I can't just suck you off – what if you can't get hard again?!"

Boxman really didn't understand how powerful Laserblast's libido was whenever the villain was involved. Somehow, Laserblast doubted Boxman would take him at his word. Luckily Laserblast was more an actions over words type of guy.

He laid back on his stomach, guiding Boxman back into place. "I can think of a few ideas," he murmured. He spread Boxman open and licked his way inside.

"Again? You – mmm! – don't have to- FUCK!"

Laserblast moaned, shoving his tongue as deep inside as he could. He could feel Boxman's opening slicken in response, as if his body was preparing for his cock to slide free from its sheath already. Or possibly in response to the intruding object. Either way, judging from the noises Boxman was making, he was doing something right. He could feel the villain's thighs on either side of his head, squeezing with every hum and lick.

Cob, he should have brought whipped cream, or flavored lube… squirted it inside Boxy and spent hours eating him out until he'd gotten every last drop. Dribbled chocolate sauce on his dick and licked it off…

Next time, he promised himself. Next time, definitely. As it was, Boxman's hands were buried in his hair – not pulling, regrettably, just clinging like he needed something to hold onto. He could feel Boxman rocking up against his mouth, panting and moaning more and more, the longer it went on.

Laserblast pulled away regretfully. "Do you like fingers, too?"

"Fingers?" Boxman was already looking enticingly flushed, his lips red and swollen from his own sharp teeth. "Usually. Helps, uh, encourage it to- Oh!"

Laserblast was already sliding his finger in, delighted when he felt the beginnings of Boxman's erection. _I'm definitely doing something right._ He grinned before sliding his tongue back in alongside his finger. He felt Boxman's cock beginning to slide forward alongside the digit. Hot and tight… it gave him _ideas._ Later though. This was about proving a point. Making Boxman feel _good_.

He lapped at what little he could reach of the head, sliding a second finger alongside the first to stroke the shaft.

"L- Laserblast! Too- haa! – Too tight! Nnng…"

Laserblast traced the tip with his tongue once more before sliding his fingers free. Boxman keened, his cock sliding forward another couple inches until the head started to emerge. A few more kisses and licks and that lovely, thick cock finally slid all the way free.

"There we go," Laserblast purred, pressing a kiss just below the head. "Now Boxy, how do you want to do this?"

Boxman clutched at the sheets, not quite making eye contact. "Uh… you decide."

Right. Shitty experiences while bottoming. It would be fun proving to him how good it could feel… and what better way than leading by example?

"Got any lube?"

Boxman grumbled, already digging through his nightstand drawer. He casually tossed out a circuit board, a granola bar, a tuning fork…

"Ah! There it is." Boxman emerged triumphant, pushing a bottle at him. The label was cracked and peeling, but it was still usable.

"Alright. Lay back down, Boxy."

Boxman obeyed, even going so far as to hold his legs up and apart, his eyes screwed shut as he braced himself. That, more than anything, told Laserblast he'd made the right decision. 

It had been a few years since he'd taken anything more than a couple fingers up his ass, but he remembered how it went. One finger, two… maybe he didn't stretch as thoroughly as he could have, and he definitely rushed it a bit, but the burn, the _strain_ would be exquisite. He forced a third finger inside himself, already salivating at the thought of riding that fat cock.

"Aren't you going to prepare me?" Boxman still hadn't even opened his eyes.

"Mm… no."

"What?!" Now his eyes flew open. "You- you're huge! There's no way I can- _Oh…_"

Laserblast smirked as Boxman went wide-eyed, watching him fuck himself on his own fingers. "You were saying, Boxy?"

"You're- I thought- Really?" Boxman's cock twitched as if in agreement.

"Put your legs down, Boxy. I'm gonna ride you." It was cute how quickly he complied. Laserblast straddled those broad hips, taking hold of Boxman's cock.

"You ready for me, Boxy?" he purred.

Boxman nodded furiously, and Laserblast carefully bore down until his hole gave and that broad head finally breached him.

"Fuck!" Laserblast hissed. "Hold still, okay? It's been a while." He sighed with relief when the head finally passed inside him. "There we go… Cob, that's going to feel really good in a minute…"

"You're really tight," Boxman wheezed, still clawing at the sheets. It looked like his bird hand had already torn them in a couple places.

"Still adjusting," he said. "Okay, I think… I think I'm good to move now."

Boxman moaned, those sharp teeth worrying his lip as Laserblast cautiously sank down another inch. Laserblast was pretty sure he'd had longer – he'd gotten a little wild, back in college – but Boxman's girth was Cob damn impressive. A couple inches more had him seeing stars.

"Oh fuck, that's it!" He couldn't resist rolling his hips so Boxman's cock would drag across his prostate once more. "Boxy!"

"Need a hand?" Boxman asked. Laserblast blinked the stars from his eyes.

"Huh?"

He felt Boxman's talons grip his hip, and then the villain was thrusting up into him. Laserblast moaned helplessly as that thick girth moved inside him like a punch to the gut.

"Shit, Boxy! Do that again!"

It took a few thrusts to find their rhythm, but they had it before long, Boxman thrusting up even as Laserblast slammed down. Then there was nothing to do but let the pleasure build, amusing himself by petting and squeezing Boxman's stomach and pecs with one hand, and idly stroking himself with the other. He could feel the pinprick of talons against his skin, could see those sharp teeth bared with each brutal thrust. Each pass over his prostate pushed him closer to coming.

"Come on, Boxy," he moaned. "Faster! Fuck- fuck me faster!"

Boxman growled and Laserblast yelped as he was abruptly rolled over, the villain not even pausing his thrusts. It was hard to even pretend to be annoyed, not when that soft stomach was rubbing against his cock, providing delicious friction, even as the cock inside him battered his prostate. He dug his heels into that wide ass, clawing at Boxman's shoulder's as he slammed home again and again.

He came with a wail, clenching so hard around that thick cock that his eyes rolled back in his head. He could feel Boxman distantly, still thrusting his way to completion.

Laserblast clenched his ass, urging Boxman on. "Come on, Boxy… Give it to me, come inside, fuck…"

With a snarl, Boxman complied.

Laserblast let out a tired moan when Boxman finally pulled out. He felt boneless with only the slight ache that came with being well-fucked. Boxman cuddled up to him, without him even having to ask. Laserblast wrapped his arms around that soft stomach with a happy sigh, toying with his tail feathers once again.

"That was… amazing." Laserblast smiled up at the ceiling, too tired to even be self-conscious about it.

"Yeah… kinda- kinda makes me want to try it again. Doing it the other way. Maybe," Boxman mumbled against his neck.

Laserblast kissed him, soft and chaste. "Sure. In the morning though, mkay?"

"Mm…"

And, still basking in the afterglow, the two men fell asleep.


End file.
